Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s here now, writing to you.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

I was tired of trying and failing.

© you're so funny!

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

What was your most embarrassing and humiliating bare bottom spanking?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Was Daenerys' downfall inevitable after she left Meereen in Game of Thrones?

The sadness was still there.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

What were the first few days, weeks, months and then years like after finding out about your spouses infidelity? How did your feelings, and yours & their approach to the situation change in the immediate aftermath compared to later down the line?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s still here.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

California schools are very liberal. Do you think California schools are teaching students to hate Republican views (views on: God, guns, prayer, secure borders, etc.)?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Why did the American's mulberry harbor not hold up after D-Day?

And the sadness?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

What do teens do at night?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

I had run out of hope.

Have you ever been humiliated in front of a group of girls and enjoyed it?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

You are like me, then.

What could be the result if I block a covert narc back after he said blocks were going back up, maybe we try this again?

I was tired of fighting.

Be who you already are.